So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
3pm strippers are depressing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
