11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
