Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
