some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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