you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
