hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
