I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
