Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
