Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Holy sore nipples Batman
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
