Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
