that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
