thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
