fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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