I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize