You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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