When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
