I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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