if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
