It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize