I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dignity is for republicans.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
