he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
