I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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