no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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