You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
