my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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