I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
