I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
