my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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