She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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