How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
