im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
