And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize