Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
