Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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