she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
