When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
