I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
