I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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