Sponge bath it is.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i love accidental penises.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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