So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
