It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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