I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
