Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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