my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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