My nipple is on Facebook.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
