HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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