So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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