Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
