I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
