You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize