the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize