your thong is hanging out like whoa
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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