I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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