??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
