So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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