You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
