If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
