Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
