Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
