I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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