Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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