I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
