She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
