whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
