Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
