he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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