My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
