These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize