I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize