i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
