Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
