considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
